Shower Shoes

Back in 1985 when I was entering my freshman year at university, I purchased a cheap pair of flip-flops to serve as my shower shoes. For those of you who may not know what shower shoes are, they are what you wear in public showers to keep yourself from picking up athlete's foot or other nasty things inhabiting the community tiles.

These are those same flip-flops 35 years later. They serve a different purpose now, a quick slip on for a trip to the mail box or a day at the beach; but they still fit like a glove. It has to be the best $5 or $6 I've ever spent.

Trolls

I'm fairly active in politics. It's a topic that not only interests me, but in this unsettled time I find it important to keep abreast of what is happening in local, state, and national government. So many things that affect my daily life are decided by our elected leaders that it is vital to me to keep informed. Besides my daily news outlets, I also subscribe to many of the Facebook pages and Twitter feeds of those that are shaping the world around me.

One thing I'll never be able to understand are the trolls who frequent those pages and populate the comment sections. I'm sure you've all seen them before. They are the people, no matter the topic, that descend upon the internet to write negative, personal attacks against the politician. I'm all for open discourse and discussion of important topics. A wide range of opinions, whether I agree with them or not, is key to more fully understanding the subject and can sway my thinking in a different direction.

But those who use the forum to spew their hate drive me up a wall. Seriously, what does "you suck" or "you need to go" or "who are you trying to fool" add to the conversation? Why do you waste your time? How can you be so consumed with hate that you spend the mental energy to surf any number of social media platforms just to unleash your venom upon the world? It only detracts from the conversation at hand and devolves into name calling, aggravation, and further drives the "other side" into more entrenched positions.

I'll admit I have engaged trolls in the past. I've presented facts, not  just opinions, hoping to spur them into thinking past their biases. It usually ends with such thoughtful responses as "libtard" or something more vile. That's when I tune out and fall back on my motto of don't feed the trolls. I then chastise myself for failing to follow my own advice and feel disappointed that allowed myself to get sucked into the negativity.

We can never come together if we spend our time yelling at each other. We can not overcome and fix the monumental problems in our society if all we can do is take cheap shots at one another behind the cloak of the keyboard. In 1992 Rodney King said ""People, I just want to say, can't we all get along? Can't we all get along?" 28 years later, this is still good advice.

Hunk, Drunk, or Chunk

Sometime during this pandemic I read this meme...

My pulmonologist says my lung function and oxygen levels are good.

My cardiologist says my heart seems to be functioning properly.

Therefore... my shortness of breath exerting myself up steep inclines like stairs and hills must be from the COVID 15 pounds I've gained during the pandemic.

Guess the answer is "Chunk."

Could I be right?

In general, I am NOT a conspiracy therorist. I don't believe in a "deep state." I don't question everything those in authority tell me unless the facts and science make sense to me. But there are times I can look at things, the big picture that surrounds them, and scratch my head and think... "what if this the end game?"

The times and circumstances we live in give me pause and free my mind to wander. In general I don't indulge these fantasies, but if there is enough space to allow me to ponder, and the supporting evidence leads in that direction, I can assemble a scenario that makes enough sense to be plausible. This is one of those occasions. Therefore I present the following possibility...

(1) The current occupant of the White House has been informed by experts that he could expect approximately 200,000 dead from COVID-19 by November, no matter what efforts would be put forth by any federal, regional, state or local body put into place.

(2) Knowing this is the target number, he (or his more intelligent advisors) could allow enough Americans to die at a pace that would not surpass this target number.

(3) As September rolls into focus, the election would be two months away and the current occupant of the White House could claim that deaths were less than projected (a win) and that life (including schooling) was safe to continue.

(4) October emerges into focus. The narrative from the White House is that schools have reopened and that the country has successfully conquered the virus.

(5) Election day arrives and the current occupant of the White House claims that deaths from COVID-19 are either below or equal to projections in July. The "undecided" at this point lean towards him and make battleground states in play.

And the scenario is complete. The current occupant of the White House just let "enough" people to die that he could claim victory over the virus compared to projections. More importantly, he's given undecided voters in battleground states enough to sway them in his direction. He's traded lives (that he was told might perish anyway) for votes.

Like I said... I don't prescribe to conspiracy theories. But if I were to assemble one, this is what it may look like.

Boxed In

I've never been a boxer. I've never stepped inside the ropes with the intent of punching someone. But somehow, I feel the analogy of a boxer cornered and having to find their way out is appropriate to my life these days. Do you "bob and weave" like Muhammad Ali to avoid the punches? Do you cover up and absorb the non-fatal blows waiting for your opponent to tire and for you to escape? Do you fight with everything you've got, flailing at your opponent in a desperate attempt get free but also opening yourself up to a knockout punch that could floor you?

August 1st will be noteworthy date. Here in the United States, the extended unemployment benefits of $600 per week expire. Thousands, possibly millions, of unemployed have relied on this benefit to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, gas in the auto, and prescriptions being refilled. Personally, that added benefit has allowed me to pay my "employee portion" of my health care insurance for the past two months. Like a hook to the ribs, August 1st marks the day my employer will no longer cover the "employer portion" of my health care insurance. So it will be the double whammy of losing health insurance (which I can't afford to shoulder the entire monthly premium) and losing the unemployment benefit which was helping to cover at least my portion. Finally, the federal moratorium on evictions ends. Where landlords and mortgage holders were prohibited from evicting people based upon non-payment during the pandemic, they will now be permitted to do so. I feel safe for August and probably September financially. Except, of course, without health insurance any serious accident or illness will bankrupt me.

Career-wise, the industry I've worked in for nearly 30 years has been one of the hardest hit by the pandemic and will be one of the last to fully return to some sense of normalcy. It is a profession to which I've dedicated my life. Although I know some skills are always transferable, what I've done is admittedly somewhat specialized. Logic tells me that I can't outlast a virus which has no inclination to slow down or go away. I'll have to start all over in a new profession. How many companies are going to be eager to hire a 50-something year old at my necessary salary range for likely only 5-15 years when they can hire someone half my age and salary with a potential to be with them for 40 years?

Finally, on the home front, how do I escape in the event I have to or want to? What happens if September or October rolls around and I can't pay the rent? If I can't afford the rent, I certainly can't afford the costs of moving, storage, or relocation of my belongings? How do I downsize to a more affordable location without a solid, verifiable source of income? I'd have to guess "furloughed, no return date determined" doesn't exactly jump out at renters as being a solid reference from my employer. If I'm lucky enough to find a new job in a new city, how do I physically get there? Looking at things, I'd say the answer is racking up the credit card debt that I previously had successfully been able to pay down.

At this moment, I feel like the "bob and weave" strategy is best for me. Keep ducking the punches the best I can while I wait for the bell to ring and end the round. It may be exhausting and stressful, but if I can survive I can come out forceful during the next round. Fortunately, I am able to do this a little while longer. Come August 1st, many will not be able to avoid the knockout punch. None of us signed up for this. None of us willingly entered this ring. None of us were trained for this kind of fight. Let us learn along the way and in the end be stronger for the bout.

How hot is it?

How hot is it? The cactus on my porch asked to be brought inside this morning.

How hot is it? My clothes dried faster outside today than they did in the dryer.

How hot is it? The water in my bottle started to boil while I was outside on the porch.

How hot is it? The outside thermometer quit working around 8:00am this morning.

How hot is it? The neighborhood squirrels were sweating.

How hot is it? It's THAT f'ing hot.

I'm tired...

I'm tired of being told the world is going to end if Joe Biden is elected...

I'm tired of being told we need to move to "safe house" in a "red state" if Joe Biden is elected...

I'm tired of being told the issues and causes I believe in are are wrong...

I'm tired of being told I'd never move to "X, Y or Z" because they are a "blue or purple" state or could become one...

I'm tired of having my compromise ideas of a new place to live as being "too red or purple..."

I'm tired of being asked to make all of the compromises to make sure we never live in a "blue state."

I short... I'm tired.

When One Blue Pill Isn't Enough

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I've had these problems before, in fact most men do. Sometimes it's all mental, and sometimes it's physical. It happens to all men at my age from time to time. Despite our desire and motivation, we need a little help. Usually one pill takes care of our problem and we're able to make the things happen that we want to complete. But when we can't make it happen, we need even more of a boost. For me, I'm forced to admit that I needed a second little blue pill today.

I hurt my back taking a dump this morning. Seriously people, how do you hurt your back making the turn to drop the kids off at the pool? Well, I did it. I woke up this morning planning to get a lot of domestic duties done today. The sink was full of dishes, and the hamper was full of dirty laundry. I'm helping the little lady this weekend with an estate sale, so today was my day to get my home chores completed. I had a plan, then it happened.

I just finished my first cup of coffee, things were stirring as they always do in the morning, and I made my way to take care of business. As I made the turn to have a seat and accomplish the first task of the day, my back had a major spasm and seized up. I slumped onto the stool and was able to complete the duty (or doody) at hand. I sat there for a moment, knowing my agenda for the day had been rendered immaterial. I knew the focus today would now be to quell the pain in my lower back and recover well enough for the weekend's estate sale.

I took a little blue pill (Aleve) and waited for things to calm down. I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Eventually, I took a second little blue pill and the spasm relaxed and the immediate pain went away. The stiffness in my back began to go away. As hard as it was to move earlier, it became easier to find a position that would allow me to thrust forward into the day and ultimately climax when had finished all of the things on my "to do" list. I'm grateful modern medicine has allowed me to perform like a grown man.

In The Beginning (again)...

I probably should have started this back in March 2020 when the world went topsy-turvy, but a dear friend of mine spurred me to return to the world of blogging. Years ago, in a time before Facebook, I used to write a blog almost everyday. Many of you, if you have been invited, know it very well. In fact, I met many of you through our web of connections to each other's blogs. Well, Mark Zucherberg came along, and mostly we all transitioned over to his new social network and we abandoned our blogs. It was new... and that was the direction the world was moving toward.

But times have changed. It's come to a point where I don't feel I can express the thoughts and feelings I have inside on that platform. There are many reasons, some of which I will likely delve into as the days and weeks progress here. At times, I feel trapped by that platform and need to be able to express myself openly without the drama and fear of retribution. Under this pen name, Terry Banners, I can share with my trusted friends and those who stumble upon this blog anonymously the things in my life that I need to express in order to cope with the times and challenges we all find ourselves in these days.

For my friends, near and far, who remember my former space on the internet, I am going to try to bring back the magic of those times. Some topics will be light and funny, others will be serious and emotional. It won't be as dark as it used to be, simply because I'm in a better place psychologically now than I was back then. But they will be real. For those new to me, all I can assure you is that this is genuine me, warts and all. If I can figure out how to re-post some of my history, you might even see some of that as well.

This blog isn't going to be Shakespeare. It won't win any Pulitzer prizes or be hailed as a breakthrough moment, but it will give me the chance to write again... free from any shackles or inhibitions. I hope you choose to follow along.